hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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