38 yer olds are good kisserssss
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
