i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
