so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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