its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
