there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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