She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
