i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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