If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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