i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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