Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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