in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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