Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
