if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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