we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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