Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
