I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
