Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
