the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
