i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
