There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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