i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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