I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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