So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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