i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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