I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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