I cockslap morals
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
