i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
