I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
