I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
