oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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