so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
