just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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