I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Someone shattered a urinal.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
