I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
