watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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