having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
