he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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