I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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