yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
