I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
