My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize