How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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