I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
