a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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