whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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