remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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