my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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