So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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