im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
