he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
