Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
