I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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