Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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