I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Can i not drive my cunt home
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
