Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
