Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize