I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
