Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
