why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
