My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
