Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
