so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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