I think my vagina is haunted
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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