mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're a waste of cheezeits
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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