I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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