i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
