I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I didn't notice because vodka
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
