I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
