No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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