So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
