WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
