Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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