Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
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Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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