Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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