There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
