All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
