SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
