I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
