It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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