I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
