Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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