saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
